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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26934484">tears and warm hugs</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/diendxdecade/pseuds/diendxdecade'>diendxdecade</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>whumptober 2020 drabbles [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kamen Rider, Kamen Rider Gaim</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crying, Lowercase, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, but don't worry this is happy ending :D, i set this mature because there's so much self-hatred ...</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:13:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>493</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26934484</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/diendxdecade/pseuds/diendxdecade</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>in which micchy is in torn to love, and also wanting to leave kouta.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kazuraba Kouta/Kureshima Mitsuzane</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>whumptober 2020 drabbles [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1962310</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>tears and warm hugs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>No 11. PSYCH 101<br/>Struggling | Crying</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“micchy! i love you,” kouta-san said while smiles so brightly like what he said is something to be proud of why would he be proud of loving me?</p><p> </p><p>i love you too kouta san, but instead of replying i just smile and hold his hand and admiring his warm touch that i am addicted but my heart said this is wrong and i would mess this and hurts kouta-san again.</p><p> </p><p>“micchy, do you know your smile is my favorite smile in this world?” kouta-san ask while he rubs my hand.</p><p> </p><p>i know kouta-san, you told me that countless times, but I still believe that i am not worthy for your love, i don’t want to be the one who hurts you again, but I also don’t want to leave you, is the words that i want to say, but i keep my mouth shut and smile hoping kouta-san won't notice this forced smile. Kouta-san didn't said anything but he grabs my hand tighter.</p><p> </p><p>“will you be my boyfriend micchy?”</p><p> </p><p>instead of saying yes, i touch his shoulder and then embrace him. i can’t bring myself to say no, but i knew for sure that i am not the one that is good enough for kouta-san.</p><p> </p><p>if one day, kouta-san said, “love me or leave me tonight.” i promise myself that i would kiss him for the last time and leave that night because that is the sign, he knows that I am unworthy as he should have known that fact since long time ago.</p><p> </p><p>as the negative emotions and gloomy thoughts can’t stop wandering around my mind, i just want to stop this, but then i would lose kouta-san and i can’t imagine kouta-san embracing someone else. i hope i would better but will I ever be better? will I change to be someone good enough to stand alongside kouta-san? Even if he trust me but in reality, i can’t trust myself. thinking all of that make the salty tears fall from my eyes, to my chin and this raw tears can’t stop just like my addiction toward kouta-san. it would not stop and I don't want to stop my own feelings.</p><p> </p><p>i am tired and even if I close my eyes the tears still overflowing, so I let myself to be dead temporary, but then before I lose my consciousness the warm embrace from someone familiar and it is enough to make all those dreary thoughts gone as the said person whom I love so much, hands rub the tears in my face and whisper, “i am sorry that i cause you so much pain, and you must know that i believe in you micchy, even if you right now are not believing in yourself and I will help you to show why I love you, so you could love yourself too.”</p><p> </p><p>hearing kouta-san loving voice comforts me so much that instead of bad dreams, i have the best dream that night.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is a happy end for micchy, i am not sorry for making him crying but at least he starts to believe in himself.</p><p>tw: diendxdecade</p></blockquote></div></div>
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